Blogmas: Sometimes I wonder.

Do you ever stop and think about what life would be like if you took the left path instead of the right? Or what would happen if you put off doing that thing for one more day instead of doing it right now.

I'm in one of those situations and I don't quite know what to really do, the roads before me are both grey with fog and I can't see the end of them anywhere. I want to stay in Korea for another year, I really do. In fact I wanted to stay so badly I extended my contract. But staying with my school...? Should I, shouldn't I? Pros and cons, rights and wrongs.

What do you do? I have people on both sides and I feel conflicted when it comes to making the choice. After all the choice is ultimately out of my hands anyway, it's not up to me to do that admin work.

My head has been bouncing the two sides around all day like a coin in a tin can. It's just too much noise and you can't see the outcome at all anyway. Life is really up in the air and I feel a bit like I'm a kid standing there waiting for a magic trick.

I finished up physical therapy today but if the issues persist, I need to go again for another round of more intensive treatments. It's just a weird day all around to get into the swing of appointment after appointment to be told "Oh, it's over today! Congrats!" It doesn't feel like it should be over at all.

I know this isn't a great blogmas content, but honestly? It's reality for me right now. Things with friends, old friends, new temporary friends, jobs, contracts, hobbies...it's all like Christmas lights that weren't sorted properly the year before.

I'm optimistic, I'm not stressing out. It's just a quiet kind of absorbed thought, the one that takes you a few days to work out. I'm hoping I can piece things together and get it all sorted.

See you tomorrow!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A requested update

Image
Hey, hi, hello.  I'm back after nearly a year. If I can explain the sudden dip in existence: I was collateral damage in my ex-bf being doxxed! All fun times, good stuff, I layed low, lived under a rock, drank some coffee. And like the cicadas I am back and ready to S C R E A M. The good stuff first of course. I still have the cats! Bailey and Stella are still kicking around, getting fat, starting fights with the vet. I just bought them collars for their trip to their new home: England. I got accepted into a university there, due to start almost one year from now. I'm excited, they're oblivious, it's gonna be amazing. I've been seeing more of Korea, I joined a sports team (Go Gaels!), and I've just generally made a nuisance of myself. I teach all grades for after school now, 1st - 6th but they're not terrible at all. It's just a lack of communication with the little ones but they like to give me hugs and tell me I'
Read more

Blogmas: On feeling overwhelmed.

I think November and December are hectic months for everyone. It feels like the world is screaming at you to get things done faster, faster, faster. Especially here in Korea. Almost everyone is well versed on the whole 빨리빨리 culture, where everything needs doing yesterday and you'd better not stand still for so much as a second or else an old granny is gonna come swat you out of her way. Sometimes the speed that the world is spinning now makes me want to scream, it makes me feel so anxious and helpless and I question why we're running at all. I'm guilty of doing it to myself too, as dumb as it is. I've been pushing myself harder in the last semester, in a lot of different ways. I picked up violin twice a week, trying to shove myself into playing pieces before the end of the year when half the time I still struggle to read notes, or remember where to place my fingers on the A string. I've been trying to take care of every cat I can find on the street when I still
Read more